The Blessed Diva - June 5th, 2006

What ever happened to friends who supported you ... who had your back ... and who didn't criticize your every move? Well I learned something today reading livejournal ... and well I guess it's something I should have known.

But anyway ... it's good to see the face of a true friend. I went to Atlanta Saturday just to get away ... to rethink on things and come to terms with some things that have been on my mind. I had a lot of fun and really remembered me!

You know it's so funny that I use to be the ear for my close friends, offering guidance, advice and just listening. The sad thing is that ... I get down and have problems just like the next person ... but where's the ear when I need it? Exactly, no where but I've been independent for far than I can remember and well I guess I shouldn't have let my guard down ... but ... that's another lesson ... I'm back to me now .. realizing that no one will ever take care of you better than you take care of yourself. So what if I don't have a shoulder to cry on here in Bham .. guess what .. I don't f-ing need it Mary...get over it! I need to get tough like I use to be. When life slaps you .. slap the bitch back!

So ... dear diary ... what do I want to say to myself today:
I remember why I use to want to live in Birmingham.
***Sometimes you have to do something to realize it's not what you really wanted.

I remember what it use to be like to care deeply about people so much that I forgot to care about myself.
***The time finally came to put me first .. get over it! I couldn't and wouldn't stay a doormat forever!

I remember how it felt to have a dream.
***Time to refocus .. reinvent .. 'keep the dream alive'.

I remember where I've been, where I am and where I'm going.
***Wake up call -- get it, got it .. gooood.

If people can't understand and respect that then .. oh well ... I live my life how I want to ... and that is ... FREE.


What is a blessing? It's a supernatural gift from God .. it's the angel in form of a friend .. it's a mother's love .. a sister's hug .. it's family ... it's realizing that you are better off than you think ... it's being happy with who you are and content with where you are ...am I blessed? Yes! Still!

I have a great job that I love. I have friends and family who love me and who I love so much it hurts. I have my health. I have a roof over my head and a car to drive. I've learned to love me - all of me - the good, the bad and the ugly.

I looked back over some of my live journal entries and realized that the road is long and the miles I've travled are countless...but I realize there are still miles to go. I see progress...I see moving ahead... I'm not the person I use to be .. physically, mentally and spiritually ... and that's a good thing. The journey I've been on the past two years has been up .. it's been down ... and all directions inbetween, LOL ... I moved to a city that I love or thought I did .... still counting that one as a blessing (primarliy because it beats Tuscaloosa) ... so .. why be depressed...or down ....well it's because I forgot one lesson ... what is it?

Life has a way of wearing you down! BUT .. you have to shake it off...shake off the haters....the "going nowhere crowd" ... the jealous people .. the people who claim to love you but don't ... the people call themselves friend but show themselves friendless ....

What did I learn this weekend? When you fall into the shadows .. JUMP back in the light! (-:

PS: Now I remember why I stopped posing on an online journal!